I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
