I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize