i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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