Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
