How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
