Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
