Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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