To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
