I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
