Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
