I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
