The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
