So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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