k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
