i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
two words...techno handjob
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
