dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
