I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
