I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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