Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
