He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
