so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
