Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
