No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
