my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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