your parents love me but you hate me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
