i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
