If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
