she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
