my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
