I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
