I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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