my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
