this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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