Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
