just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
