If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
