I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize