I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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