i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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