I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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