Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
