literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
