I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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