Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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