I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize