whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
