Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
