There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize