11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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