i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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