My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
