drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
