Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
