I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
