I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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