just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
