No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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