So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
