yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
tell me about the eggs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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