just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
