I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die, sorry about rent.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
