i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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