So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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