yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
