That's intense
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
im on a boat
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