He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
