so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need help removing her.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
