beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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