I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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