This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i came on her dog
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
