If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My life is pants optional.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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