We're facebook friends in real life
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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